Clarks: This Evening

We've just come back from a really nice evening out with a student of mine (Jason's). She is a Sr. English major whose name is Wei Na; she goes by the English name "Venus". She is a modern-looking, talkative, and open-minded girl, a good student who really helps to make the class discussions come alive. For example, when the topic came up in class recently, she was quite willing to discuss the very sensitive issue of her mother's divorce, even though this is something most Chinese students find unpleasant and would prefer not to talk about -- even if their own parents are still happily married.
So anyway, Wei Na had invited us over to her and her (still-single) mother's home for dinner. She also asked another female student, Fei Fei, to join us, and had her own boyfriend come over, too, after he got off work. So, once everyone was there and sat down, we had dinner (which was really great, by the way) and made small talk -- mostly in Chinese, actually -- and you know, just had a real nice time. Then, when dinner was over, we left straight-away for the beauty salon where Venus and Cecely were going to get their hair washed (which means not only a hair-washing but an upper body massage, too) and have their nails done. [Yes, our life here is full of toil and trial, isn't it?]
But that left the boyfriend and I (Fei Fei went home) to either sit in the salon looking dumb or get our own hair washed (also dumb) or... and here comes the interesting twist... go to the Starbucks we had passed a couple blocks back and have coffee and talk. Except, the boyfriend does NOT speak English! So this means, if we decide to go for coffee, we are essentially agreeing to an impromptu "blind (and mute) date"! He was like, “ 我不会说英语”that is, he can't speak English, as in, "What am I supposed to do with this foreigner?! Go sit there in silence and stare at him!?" But Wei Na insisted, "Jason can speak Chinese. Go on!" And so, we went.
Really, it was so much like an awkward first date... he even held the door open for me when we left the salon and again when we entered the coffee house! He also wanted me to sit down while he ordered and then insisted that he pay for both of us. So we found a nice, romantic... NO, WAIT A SECOND!... let's just say we found a table and sat down, very macho-like.
And then the most amazing thing happened: We carried on a conversation. A real conversation.
We discussed coffee culture -- the whole "third place" phenomenon, if you understand what that means. We discussed politics. We discussed religion, namely the major differences between Catholics (his grandma is one) and Protestants.
I shared my story of growing up mostly with a single-mom, and how one of my step-dads did drugs, and how it has influenced my younger brother, and how I had to help take care of him when I was only nine-years-old and he was just an infant, and how that -- when my brother turned nine, himself -- I looked back at my experience growing up and wondered, "How in the world was it that I was taking care of a baby at nine-years-old when Lance can't possibly take care of himself at this age now?!"
And of course, he listened intently and sympathized and said things like, "What a hard life; you were really forced to grow-up too quickly... but, you know, every family has its problems, and likewise, every country and every culture, too, has its weaknesses. Like, in China, parents never want to let their kids grow-up at all or have any freedom or learn to do things for themselves, so at least your experience gave you the opportunity to learn how to take care of yourself at an early age."
"But to tell you the truth," I continued, "I feel like I didn't really grow-up at all, until just recently. I mean, when Cec and I got married... we were 20 and 22 at the time... I thought I was grown-up, but really I was so immature. We had a lot of trouble at the beginning of our marriage because I wasn't really a true man yet. You know what I mean?"
"Well, it's that way with every marriage, though..."
"Yeah," I said, "of course, that's true; but really, sometimes I think, if we weren't both Christians... I feel certain we would have gotten divorced."
"No way, ba!" [If you speak Chinese, you'll get the "ba" thing, otherwise...]
"Really though," I insisted, "being a Christian has improved my life so much, and I truly believe our faith is what kept our marriage together through the tough times."
He was like, "Whoa, dude... that's deep."
[OK, maybe he didn't exactly say that, but...]
Anyway, it was really cool. I mean -- in the interest of full disclosure -- it didn't sound quite so elegant and moving in real-time: Think more like Tarzan in a counseling session with Sigmund Freud and you've probably got a more accurate representation of what it must have sounded like to him. But anyway, we did communicate. And for that, I am thankful.

We expect to spend time with them again, some weekend before long. And who knows what we'll talk about then. But I'm praying for the best.