TaiTai's Funeral

There is too much I wanted to write about GaoYan’s Grandma’s funeral. In my mind, I want to research funeral traditions of China and the Bible and somehow draw some connections in a long essay. But it is just coming out as rough notes.

TaiTai passed away in her sleep 4 a.m. November 24. A fire of paper money burned continuously until after the funeral. A funeral business arranged a white poster with black words on the wall in her living room. Her picture. Bowl of bananas. Bowl of oranges. A bowl of rice with an egg. Candles and incense. Sparklers. Black arm bands for GaoYan’s parents and their generation. Black with a red square for GaoYan and I and grandchildren generation. Red arm bands for Caleb, Joy, and great-grandchildren generation. Relatives would come in and bow before TaiTai’s picture. Relatives came all the way from BengBu. I closed the front door behind me when I entered the house. I knew I had made a small mistake when GaoYan’s Dad walked over and opened the door back up again. Though it was cold, the window of her room was left open. Caleb please don’t play with the incense. OK you can light sparklers. Joy, no don’t touch those bananas. For two nights in a row GaoYan’s Dad had to stay up all night. Meals with family and relatives. An aunt whispers to GaoYan. “I had a really scary dream last night. I am afraid of your grandma’s spirit because one time I had a big argument with her.”

Day of the funeral 6:30 a.m. drums, cymbals, and a band. People dressed in white sack cloth standing around the fire of paper money. Everyone must wear white sack cloth. Lady from the funeral business came into the house. Her hair was dyed red and wore a sporty coat almost same color red as her hair. We all stood in the living room wearing white sack cloth. The lady said in a strong commanding voice, “TaiTai’s son and his wife bow down. Another son and his wife bow down. Grandchildren generation bow down. Great-grandchildren generation bow down.” Then in violent fashion the lady ripped the poster with black letters off the wall. She took the incense bowl and busted it in the stairwell. GaoYan’s Dad held his mother’s picture and carried it out of her home. (I think the saddest part) Everyone left the house following behind according to generation. There were firecrackers now outside and very loud behind us in the stairwell as we left the home. Men of the family stood up in an open bed truck with GaoYan’s Dad holding his mother’s picture. A firecracker truck followed with deafening boom, boom, boom, boom. The truck with the band following, then the family cars. We all drove to the funeral home. The family had one last chance to see TaiTai’s body. The ladies of the older generation knew how to kneel on the ground and cry and wail loudly. And the men were supposed to pull them away (Not allowing the women to linger too long at the body? I’m not sure why?) There were about 50 people and a lot of activity. I tried to stand back holding Caleb out of the way. But then I saw a relative kind of pushing GaoYan away. Just out of instinct, I went and stood on the opposite side of GaoYan to brace her (In America mourners can stand by the body as long as they want). They show the final preparations for cremation on a video screen. 8:30 a.m. We left soon after, to make room for the next family.

Sometimes I write with a touch of sarcasm. However, I wrote this with all seriousness.



One might assume the majority of Chinese people do not believe in a spiritual life after death, according to this government. After being part of a funeral in China, I think every person in China must believe in spiritual life after death. Nearly every custom and ritual in the funeral is to treat the spirit of the deceased with respect. How can a person attend a funeral and not wonder, “What will happen to me when I die?” Maybe the subject of death is scary or unlucky to talk about for Chinese people. My friend Dan has said many times, “Only Christianity offers an answer for death.” I supported the idea but I never really thought about it until attending this funeral.

Praise God that Jesus has prepared an eternal home for us. The Bible tells us life is short, and then those who believe in Jesus will go to that eternal home. This is good news. After attending this funeral the need to share this good news becomes more vivid, more urgent.